Script Progress

I have recently finished the first draft of my script and have presented it to my tutor to suggest improvements. He informed me that scripts are supposed to tell a story without excessive visual detail as that is up to the reader. He advised on shortening descriptions of scenes and events to let the reader imagine how they would look like, along with the descriptions of characters. Instead of listing every single piece of furniture in a room, I just call it by name such as "Penthouse Living Room", and just give general descriptions of actions instead of specific shots. Previously, my tutor also advised to remove parentheses containing emoticons displayed on the main three robot characters.

I was told to remove them once again after being told the main purpose and outline of a script. As I wrote my script I found that I had trouble thinking of emoticons for the appropriate scenes and I agreed to remove them.

He also taught me several other bits such as appropriately labelling a scene instead of stating its lighting, changing several "Shots" to "Scenes", and refer to an unseen character to their actual name because there is no mystery in an actual script. Another major change was an introduction to the fictional world that I had envisioned as slow-motion motion sequences. Previously, the sequences were scenes between narration, which looked cluttered.

Above is the first version of the aforementioned section, with scene headings and dialogue sandwiched between each other. He showed me an example of a montage in a script where the scenes are listed out in bullet points. He advised that I researched more on montages in scripts with voice-overs. I did just that, but there are many opposing methods: the one I previously done before and one as shown to me by my tutor. I settled on the suggested method with an added narration line as demonstrated by a Reddit post I randomly found.

Above is the outcome of the alteration, with the scenes listed and the entire narration below that. I was, unfortunately, unable to locate the Reddit post at this time, but I will try to continue improving my script as much as I can before the term ends.

P.S.
I have located the Reddit post and the example given was identical to my initial method. Sorry.
Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/Screenwriting/comments/6s12gy/voice_over_during_montage/